Many times I find myself DOING nothing out of FEAR. This fear is not due to the current crime wave in our potentially great city. IT IS THE FEAR OF LIVING. YES, I SAY, THE FEAR OF LIVING: LIVING IN the FAVOR of the LORD.
I KNOW, I KNOW IT SOUNDS BLASPHEMOUS, BUT “….LET ME ‘SPLAIN, LET ME ‘SPLAIN…”. As I stated in a previous post (SO, What Happened?), I BELIEVED THAT I WAS TO LIVE A LIFE OF WAITING ON THE BLESSINGS AND NOT THE MANIFESTATION OF THE BLESSINGS.
Many times, I am overwhelmed with life’s choices NOW that I am more attuned to the voice of JESUS CHRIST and the purpose HE has for my life (Sounds so cliche`). I, truly get frustrated with trying to prioritize common day-to-day tasks and chores: exercising, cooking, cleaning, dating, working, staying abreast of the happenings in the world, CARING, SUPPORTING, CELEBRATING, RESTING, PRAYING, WORSHIPING AND PRAISING. I KNOW to “….SEEK THE KINGDOM…..” SHOULD BE FIRST. BUT WHAT DOES THAT REALLY LOOK LIKE AND HOW DOES ONE DO THAT..? with every and all things going on (LIFE IS HAPPENING as I type…)
So what do I do in many cases: NOTHING if anything. After I leave work, I DESIRE to clean up and work on some projects that I PLANNED (after the PROMISES were revealed to me) that will ENSURE A SMOOTH TRANSITION INTO MY PROMISES. I DON’T BRING WORK HOME UNLESS THERE IS A PENDING EVALUATION/OBSERVATION (THE BOOK BAG IS DEAD WEIGHT). I ACTUALLY HAVE A CLEANING SCHEDULE, COOKING SCHEDULE, PERPETUAL GROCERY LIST, AN EXERCISE SCHEDULE (ONE FOR MAINTAINING AND ONE WEIGHT LOSS), I HAVE a TO DO AND INVENTORY LIST FOR EVERY ROOM IN MY HOME. ALL OF THE AFOREMENTIONED ALLOWS ME TO “LIVE”. MOST, IF NOT A MAJORITY OF THE THINGS ARE NOT COMPLETED. LET’S BE HONEST, I HAVE YET TO ENGAGE AND WORK THE PLAN.
DID I NOT SAY THAT I WAS OVERWHELMED AND HAD A FEAR OF LIVING IN THE FAVOR OF THE LORD? I HAVE BEEN IN THIS PLACE BEFORE WHERE GOD GIVES ME A GLIMPSE OF WHERE AND WHAT. HE NEVER TELLS ME WHO AND HOW (HE KNOWS THAT I WILL TRY TO EXPEDITE).
IN THIS PLACE (FEELING THE INTANGIBLE), IS WHERE I HAVE MESSED UP BEFORE. QUOTING FROM THE BOOK OF BB KING (MY COUSIN-inside joke-Indianola, MS native-my father’s side of the family), ” “.. never make a move too soon…”
So, my DOING NOTHING IS REALLY AN AFFRONT TO GOD. I AM REPENTING FOR I HAVE ALLOWED MY FEARS TO BECOME BIGGER THAN THE GOD I WORSHIP. “….THIS AIN’T LIVING….”
“….LORD, MY GOD PLEASE HAVE MERCY ON ME FOR DOING NOTHING. I AM NOT MAKING ANY EXCUSES LORD. LORD, MY GOD THIS IS NOT A “…BORN IN SIN AND SHAPED IN INIQUITY… AND YOU KNOW MY HEART” PRAYER. TEACH ME HOW TO TRULY WORSHIP AND HONOR YOU. I CONTINUE TO BE UNGRATEFUL AND DOUBTFUL.
LORD, MY GOD, I WAS THINKING (SHOULD HAVE BEEN ASKING YOU) THAT I WAS RESTING AND WAITING, HENCE DOING NOTHING. I THEN STARTED TO GET FRUSTRATED AND IRRITABLE BECAUSE MY LIFE (HOME AND OTHER AREAS) WAS BECOMING CLUTTERED, EXCEPT FOR MY DISCRETIONARY FUNDING ACCOUNT-EMPTY). I WAS DOING NOTHING: NO COOKING, NO CLEANING, NO WRITING, NO STUDYING YOUR WORD. NOTHING.
LORD, MY GOD, I AM ASKING THAT YOU SEARCH MY HEART AND PURGE ANY AND ALL THINGS THAT HINDER MY WORSHIP AND OUR RELATIONSHIP. I NOW THANK YOU FOR YOUR MAKING ME YOUR PRIORITY, TEACH ME AND SHOW ME HOW TO MAKE YOU MINE. NOT WANTING TO TAKE YOUR LOVE, GRACE AND MERCY FOR GRANTED (TEACH ME AND SHOW ME LORD) AND IT IS BECAUSE OF YOUR LOVE, GRACE AND MERCY THAT I STILL WITH BOLDNESS CAN DECLARE…..
…Nothing will separate ME from the LOVE of GOD which is in CHRIST JESUS…..”
Tangey V.
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