This morning I woke singing “I Shall See HIM For Myself” a song by one of my favorite singers,John P. Kee. I decided not to just sing the song, but to pull it up on Youtube to hear John P. Kee sing one of my favorite songs.
Listening to song, I begin to think of my Momma, Dorothy Mae Skinner Jordan. The love of my life, before the LORD called her home, she was my muse.
I remember the last time I saw my Momma in my house prior to the LORD calling her home. She had come to my NEW house two weekends prior to Thanksgiving 2006 to teach me how to make dressing and her peach cobbler. I remember her fussing and laughing at me because I kept washing my hands (they were getting dirty with corn meal and flour). She then laughed heartily and stated, “You, like your Aunt Carrie spend all day in the kitchen and when you finish, you have a little of this and a taste of that…”
She then began to state that I was the way I was because of my siblings -Beverly, Don, Mary, Martha, Lee and Sharon. She stated that they WOULD NOT “LET” Babe (Beverly’s name for me and everyone else it appears), Babyboba (my brothers’ name for me), Little Girl (Sharon’s name for me), Babysnooky (her name for me that she then GAVE to Demetrick Jr. and Montelle Jr.). She also stated that my nephews, Keith, Montelle and Demetrick were always trying to protect me and they spoiled me as well.
As this holiday season has come upon us, I am determined to BLESS the LORD for giving me my Momma, Dorothy Mae Skinner Jordan. I miss her tremendously. It was through my momma that I learned to LOVE the LORD AND TRUST HIM.
My Momma stopped attending church. SHE NEVER STOPPED LOVING, BELIEVING AND TRUSTING GOD. She, like many others had been hurt several times by the church and the last time the pain it caused was severe. I too was hurt. I felt my Momma’s pain and I ached because I though I had lost the love of GOD (I was 12 years old)and I became a cynic, I went from “…yes, OUR GOD CAN,OUR GOD HAS and OUR GOD WILL…” to GOD CAN, GOD HAS and GOD WILL but NOT for ME and MY family and for MY Momma.
I did not enter another church or attend any religious ceremony until I was 22-23 years old. Church was not my thing. There was a reverence for GOD, HE has provided for others, just NOT FOR MY FAMILY. With the exception of my Grandmother Evelyn Jackson, Aunt Carrie, Aunt Lois, Aunt Mary, and my sister in law, EVERYONE in church were hypocrites. I did not maliciously attack anyone’s beliefs; I just DIDN’T WANT to hear it. GOD responsed to the prayers of others not my prayers and my families prayers.
It was not until I heard my Momma singing early in the morning aournd 3 or 4 a.m., a gospel song, “….I love the LORD…and long as I live and trouble rise…I’ll hasten to HIS throne…” AND SHE WAS CRYING. WHAT IS SHE SINGING?, WHY IS SHE SINGING THAT? I NEVER asked her (can not get in grown folk’s business), but I KNEW that GOD was trying to get my attention. HE KNEW that if my Momma, the LOVE of my LIFE, began to call out to and speak to and of HIM; I would follow suit.
I became extremely angry with GOD after HE called MY MOMMA home. I questioned WHY would HE take MY Momma. I asked why HE didn’t dumbfound world renowned doctors and specialists with the miracle that HE SHOULD Have (that’s how I felt) that HE SHOULD HAVE performed. And the miracle SHOULD HAVE been peformed for me. THE HOLY SPIRIT BEGAN TO MINISTER TO ME. HE REMINDED ME THAT MY MOMMA WAS GOD’S CHILD AND THAT SHE WOULD WANT TO BE IN PERFECT PEACE WITH HER GOD. THAT HE WAS HER GOD TOO AND SHE DESIRED AND LONGED TO BE IN HIS PRESENCE. SHE LOVED ME BUT SHE LOVED GOD MORE.
IT WAS THEN WHEN I REALIZED THAT I TOO LOVED GOD MORE THAT I LOVE MY MOMMA. IT WAS THEN THAT I LEARNED AND I AM STILL LEARNING TO TRUST GOD. IT ALSO HOW I CAN CONTINUE TO DECLARE WITH BOLDNESS
…Nothing will separate ME from the LOVE of GOD which is in CHRIST JESUS…..”
Tangey V.
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