Whew!!!! This has been some week. I have returned to work after a restful and extremely productive summer. I actually completed many things from my “I got to get my life together to-do list”. It is “THE LIST” that I created after my first or second year teaching. It is also “THE LIST” that I didn’t get to because I was teaching summer school and trying to rest. It is “THE LIST” I couldn’t get to because I was mentally exhausted and “THE LIST” required some thinking and tinkering. It is also “THE LIST” that I couldn’t get to because I was on vacation. No, I was not always out of town. There is STAYCATION. I stayed at home and in the house and did not attempt to find “THE LIST” so you know I did not WORK “THE LIST”. I WAS EXHAUSTED.
“THE LIST” was no longer a productive tool that would allow me to maximize time and resources so that I could enjoy my life. Regardless of my intentions to and my attempts at completing “THE LIST”, I couldn’t do it physically and mentally. I COULDN’T DO IT!!!! THE LIST” had become the SOURCE of my anxieties: not sleeping or resting, irritability, crying, lamenting, complaining, and cussing. Yes, at others, but mainly myself.
“THE LIST”, my creation, was not serving its purpose. I had given “THE LIST” authority over my life and “THE LIST” caused me to question the worthiness of my life. Not working or completing “THE LIST” has caused me on many occasions to question not only my abilities but my worthiness for any and all things. Something must be wrong with me if I can’t do these simple things on “THE LIST….file important papers, take clothes to cleaners, fold clothes, no put clothes on the hanger AND HANG IN THE CLOSET, replace the light bulb and shower curtains and rod, take meat out of the freezer, dust, COOK, take the pile of whatever (books, clothes, trinkets) to the Salvation Army because the yard sale IS NOT HAPPENING.
BLESS THE LORD!!!! This summer was different, I actually worked “THE LIST”. “…THE LIST without works….” I BEGAN TO REALIZE THAT “THE LIST”, MY CREATION, was actually A PRECURSOR TO THE PROMISES OF GOD. THE THINGS ON “THE LIST” HAD TO BE DONE IN ORDER TO CLEAR THE CLUTTER THAT WAS IN MY LIFE. THE CLUTTER HAD TO BE CLEARED SO THAT I COULD HEAR GOD AS HE MOVED ME INTO THE PROMISES HE HAS FOR MY LIFE SO THAT HE CAN GET ALL OF HIS GLORY.
YES, I WAS AND IS TIRED (I DID TYPE IS), BUT I REALIZED THAT IT WAS GOD WHO HAD GIVEN ME NOT ONLY THE SECOND AND THIRD WIND, BUT HE WAS, HAS, IS AND WILL CARRY ME WHEN I CAN’T.
Just the other night, I WAS SO TIRED THAT I was about to cry, about to cry because I WAS SO TIRED…THE HOLY SPIRIT REMINDED ME THAT I WAS HARVEST AND REAPING TIRED, NOT SOWING TIRED (WILL EXPAND IN A LATER BLOG). I THEN BEGAN TO BLESS THE NAME OF THE LORD AND THANK HIM FOR BEING TIRED. I KNOW THAT SOUNDS CRAZY. THE HOLY SPIRIT BROUGHT TO MY REMEMBRANCE THAT I WAS REAPING WHAT MY DESIRE TO HONOR GOD IN ALL THINGS, MY TEARS, MY PAIN, AND MY LOSSES HAD SOWN. THAT I WAS NOT ONLY WALKING IN BUT I AM PRESENTLY IN GOD’S PROMISES FOR MY LIFE.
GOD IS SO FAITHFUL AND IT IS WHY I CAN BOLDLY DECLARE THAT
“…Nothing will separate ME for the Love of GOD which is in CHRIST JESUS….”
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