People, people, people…I have been having some EXTREME WORRY attacks. It, the CAUSE OF THE ATTACKS, is NOTHING because there is NOTHING that CAN PREVENT ME FROM THE CALL AND PROMISES OF GOD.
However, I GOT SO CAUGHT UP IN NOTHING. I DIDN’T THINK I HAD GOTTEN CAUGHT UP. BUT I DID. I BEGAN NOT ONLY TO LISTEN TO NEGATIVE CONVERSATION. I ENGAGED IN IT AS WELL. NO, MY FRUSTRATIONS LEAD ME TO DISCUSS THEM WITH OTHERS. I HAD GROWN TO WERE I WAS NOT TALKING TO PEOPLE ABOUT THINGS THAT WERE HAPPENING TO ME OR THAT CONCERNED ME… I WOULD CALL AND TALK TO SEVERAL PEOPLE ABOUT MY SITUATION. I WOULD THEN TELL THEM THAT GOD GOT ME. YOU KNOW HOW I DO…
BUT I HAD NOT TALK TO GOD AND I BEGAN TO WORRY WHICH CAUSED ANXIETY, DRINKING OF THE COKES (INFLAMMATION IN MY KNEE AND FOOT RIGHT NOW!!!!), EATING OF THE CANDY AND SEVERAL BAGS OF CHIPS (THWARTING THE HARD WORK OF LOSING WEIGHT BY NOT SNACKING THROUGHOUT THE DAY AND MINDLESSLY). MY ANXIETY WAS CAUSING ME MORE ANXIETY.
I KNEW THAT I SHOULD NOT BE HOLDING ON TO MY CONCERNS. I KNEW THAT I WAS TO GIVE IT OVER TO THE LORD AND WAIT ON HIS ANSWER. IT WAS WORKING. MY WAITING ON THE LORD WAS WORKING. I WOULD BE IN AWE ON HOW HE WOULD RESOLVE WHAT I THOUGHT TO BE ISSUES. ALL WITHOUT ME DOING ANYTHING OTHER THAN HONORING HIM IN MY LIVING/WORKING.
YET, THIS TIME I DID NOT. THERE WAS A SITUATION IN WHICH MY EFFECTIVENESS WAS QUESTIONED WHILE LIVING/WORKING TO HONORING GOD. I WAS GIVEN A TASK IN WHICH INFORMATION FROM OTHERS WAS NOT ONLY CRUCIAL BUT VITAL TO THE ASSIGNMENT/TASK GIVEN. I RECEIVED NOTHING.
TANGEY V. NEEDED TO RESPOND. I WAS DOING MY PART. I, I, I...WANTED TO PROVE THAT I WAS NOT INEFFECTIVE. I WANTED TO PROVE THAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES OF THE UNCOMPLETED TASK/ASSIGNMENT WAS NOT MY FAULT. I, I, I…
AS I WAS TYPING MY POSITION/RESPONSE/REASON THE HOLY SPIRIT WOULD NOT ALLOW TANGEY V. TO TYPE THE RESPONSE. LET ME ‘SPLAIN AND MAKE THIS REAL CLEAR AS THIS IS IN REAL TIME. MY ENCOUNTER WITH THE HOLY SPIRIT WAS NOT A HAND OVER THE HEART, TEAR IN THE EYE, HOLD MY MULE, DANCE LIKE DAVID ENCOUNTER. IT WAS…THERE WAS SO MUCH GOING ON THAT I COULD NOT FOCUS SO I DID NOT RESPOND.
YET, AS THE LORD FIXED THAT SITUATION WITHOUT MY RESPONSE, I COULD NOT LET GO OF BEING CALLED “INEFFECTIVE“. AS I AM TYPING THIS, I REALIZED THAT WAS THE ROOT OF MY RECENT ANXIOUSNESS. IT HAS IMPACTED ME IN ALL AREAS OF MY LIFE FOR THE LAST 5 WEEKS AND LAST WEEK, ACTUALLY LAST SUNDAY I EXPERIENCED THE WORST OF IT.
I DID NOT POST LAST SUNDAY. I WAS “SLEEPY” AND AS I WAS RESETTING MY ALARM CLOCK FOR EXTRA SLEEP, I REMEMBER SAYING, “LORD, AIN’T NO TELLING WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN AS A RESULT OF MY DISOBEDIENCE TO POSTING IN REAL TIME.”
SURELY AS I AM TYPING THIS, THE FLOODGATES OF HELL WAS UNLEASHED. I WAS ON EDGE. I WAS IRRITABLE. ROAD RAGE COMFORTED ME, MY ECZEMA BEGAN TO FLARE UP, I FELT THE NEED FOR ISOLATION AND DID NOT WANT TO TALK TO PEOPLE. I COULD NOT CONCENTRATE. I WAS DRINKING COKES EVERYDAY AND MINDLESSLY SNACKING.
MY PRAYERS WERE LESS FERVENT AND INTENSE. I BEGAN TO THINK THAT MY PRAYERS WOULD NOT BE HEARD BECAUSE I DID NOT POST ON LAST WEEK AND THAT I HAD REVERTED BACK TO SOME OLD HABITS. I HAD SERIOUSLY GRIEVED THE HOLY SPIRIT.
HE TOLD ME NOT TO GET BACK IN THE BED. HE TOLD ME POST IN REAL TIME. THE FEELING I HAD AFTER THOSE TWO ADDITIONAL HOURS OF TOSSING AND TURNING ( I COULD NOT SLEEP). HE TOLD ME TO DRIVE PAST FAMILY DOLLAR AND WALK BY THE COKES AND CHIPS IN KROGER. HE TOLD ME TO REFUSE CANDY OFFERS FROM SCHOLARS AND FELLOW TEACHERS. I DID THE EXACT OPPOSITE.
I KNEW THAT I HAD SERIOUSLY GRIEVED THE HOLY SPIRIT. IT WAS AS IF HE HAD LEFT ME. I NO LONGER FELT AN INTIMACY WITH GOD. I FELT TRULY ALONE.
BUT GOD. THROUGH THE SAME HOLY SPIRIT THAT I GRIEVED REMINDED ME THAT HE WOULD LEAVE OR FORSAKE ME. (GOD IS SO FAITHFUL)
I BEGAN TO BLESS THE LORD AND REPENTED FOR GRIEVING THE HOLY SPIRIT. I ASKED THAT HE TEACH ME HOW NOT TO GRIEVE THE HOLY SPIRIT. I REPENTED FOR THE OTHER TIMES I GRIEVED THE HOLY SPIRIT.
GOD IS SO FAITHFUL. THE HOLY SPIRIT BEGAN TO MINISTER TO ME. HE TOLD ME TO BLESS THE LORD WHEN THE THOUGHT OF BEING CALLED INEFFECTIVE COMES UP. HE WARNED ME THAT EVERYTHING THAT CONCERNED ME AND OVERWHELMED ME WOULD COME TO ATTACK ME BECAUSE I AM NOW INEFFECTIVE (THAT’S THE TAPE PLAYING IN MY HEAD). BLESS THE LORD FOR THE HOLY SPIRIT.
“…But the COMFORTER, which is the HOLY GHOST, whom the FATHER will send in MY name, HE shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you…”
‘…In the same way, the SPIRIT helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the SPIRIT HIMSELF intercedes for us through wordless groans. 27 And HE who searches our hearts knows the mind of the SPIRIT because the SPIRIT intercedes for GOD’S people in accordance with the will of GOD…”
THE HOLY SPIRIT-MY COMFORTER WHOM I HAVE GRIEVED INTERCEDES ON MY BEHALF. THERE ARE NO WORDS–IT IS MORE THAN I CAN SAY AS I BOLDLY DECLARE…
“…NOTHING will separate ME from the LOVE of GOD which is CHRIST JESUS…”
TANGEY V
INREALTIME
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