MY HURT AND PAIN FUELED MY REVIVAL

I woke up this morning with NOTHING to share. I was a blank slate. I had nothing running through my mind, because of information overload. Just not allowing thoughts to come because it would be a flood gate of thoughts and will add to my anxiety (I am returning to the school building tomorrow). So I have been trying NOT to think and it is working. It is beginning to scare me somewhat because when I say NOTHING-I mean ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. I think it is one of my coping skills for stress and anxiety. I have NOT BEEN thinking since March 2020.

So this morning as I am preparing to share, I AM a BLANK slate. Since I am sharing about the GOODNESS of the LORD, surely the BLANK slate is perfection. It should allow the LORD to just POUR into me what HE wants me to share. But NO!!!! As I am trying NOT to think about anything, I am NOT thinking about the GOODNESS of the LORD either. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with it being 5 am on a Sunday morning.

I TRULY BELIEVE AND KNOW that if there IS NOTHING to say, just “wave your hand”. In other words, PRAISE AND BLESS THE NAME OF THE LORD IN WORSHIP. So I thought that I was to share a previous post (you know copy and paste and be done sharing this morning). BUT NO!!!!

I then thought about sharing an excerpt from a message that my Pastor Regina Harris had written concerning JESUS PRAYING in the Garden of Gethsemane and how HE had become angry with the “Treacherous Three”-Peter, James and John. I began to look for the copy that I had so that I could quote her properly. However, as I began to go through papers in my cabinet (I HAVE NEVER LOOKED for MATERIAL TO SHARE), I came across some documents in the BLACK folder that took me to a very dark place in my life: Airways Achievement Academy.

Those documents where from the time that I taught at Airways Achievement Academy. My first year teaching in an alternative school. I was not effective at all. I struggled and questioned my ability to teach. I wanted out of education. Seeing and reading those documents was PAINFUL. No disrespect to those who experience PTSD, but seeing and reading those documents caused me to GO BACK to the day when they changed the restroom procedure and a young lady got “jumped” in the restroom. It was the day before some students jumped on a young lady in my classroom (first fight ever in my classroom in 5 years). It was the week that scholars, in an alternative setting, wrote statements stating that I allowed the girls to fight. (Typing this is causing me to well up-GOD IS SO GOOD-HE DELIVERED ME). I MUST share). It was the same week that I had gotten written up for derelict of professional duties. They stated that I ALLOWED scholars to fight (I just deleted some details of the fight for WHAT happened is not IMPORTANT, BUT WHAT HAPPENED IS-I WILL EXPLAIN AS I CONTINUE TO SHARE-BLESS THE NAME OF THE LORD).

I READ THE LETTER. I READ THE WRITE-UP AND I REMEMBER THE CONVERSATION-THE PERSON WHO WROTE MY UP STATED THAT HE DID NOT AGREE WITH THE WRITE-UP, BUT HE HAD TO DO HIS JOB. (CRYING NOW FOR GOD’S FAVOR-I KNEW THAT HE HAD NO CHOICE AND I PRAYED FOR HIM AS I SIGNED THE WRITE UP). Matthew 5:44- But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; I was HURTING so that I did not realize that I was APPLYING AND LIVING the WORD INREALTIME!!!!

I READ THE EMAIL IN WHICH THE PRINCIPAL INFORMED ME THAT I WAS NOT ELECTED TO RETURN. IN OTHER WORDS, THE PRINCIPAL WAS TRYING TO GET MY LICENSE REVOKED FOR ONE BAD WEEK IN AN ALTERNATIVE SCHOOL IN MARCH (END OF THE SCHOOL YEAR). I REREAD THE LETTER FROM HUMAN RESOURCES STATING THAT THEY COULD NOT FIND ANYTHING IN MY FILE TO WARRANT FIRING. MY EVALUATIONS WERE GOOD. I THOUGHT ABOUT HOW HUMAN RESOURCES DID NOT CALL ME IN TO GET MY SIDE OF THE STORY. AFTER VIEWING MY FILES, THE DECISION FOR ME TO RETURN TO AIRWAYS ACHIEVEMENT ACADEMY KEPT ME IN LIMBO FROM MAY-JUNE. (BLESS GOD-I BONDED WITH THE CHAMP THAT SUMMER AND THROUGH CHAMP-THE HOLY SPIRIT REMINDED ME THAT I WAS PROTECTED-NO WORRIES). BLESS THE LORD WITH ME!!!!!!!

I READ THE EMAIL DENYING ME ACCESS TO DISTRICT SPONSORED AND ENCOURAGED COUNSELING THAT WAS RECOMMENDED BY THE COUNSELING SERVICE-EAP. I WAS TOLD THAT I COULD NOT GO. I HAD A 7TH PERIOD PLANNING (TEACHERS YOU KNOW). THE LORD KEPT ME!!!! BLESS THE NAME OF THE LORD!!!!!

AS I WAS EXPERIENCING THE PAIN OF AIRWAYS ACHIEVEMENT ACADEMY-I WAS HURTING AND I AM TEARING UP (BLESS GOD FOR DELIVERANCE) NOW THINKING OF IT AS I SHARE. BUT I AM SO GLAD THAT THE HOLY SPIRIT REMINDED ME THAT IT WAS GOD WHO KEPT ME IN ALL OF THAT HURT. IT WAS THROUGH MY EXPERIENCES AT AIRWAYS ACHIEVEMENT ACADEMY THAT I WAS DRAWN CLOSER TO HIM. I AM NOT MY OWN!!!!!

MY PAIN AND HURT AT AIRWAYS ACHIEVEMENT ACADEMY GAVE BIRTH TO INREALTIME. IT WAS WHEN I BEGIN TO REALLY CRY OUT JESUS AND APPLY SCRIPTURE TO MY SITUATIONS. AIRWAYS ACHIEVEMENT ACADEMY IS WHERE IS SAW THE POWER OF THE HOLY SPIRIT OVER demonic spirits.

EVERY MORNING, EVERY MORNING I WOULD ANOINT THE HALLWAY, STAIRWELLS, MY CLASSROOM, THE ENTRANCE TO THE CLASSROOM, BLACKBOARD, WHITE BOARD, EVERY CORNER AND EVERY DESK IN CLASSROOM. EVERYDAY SOME SCHOLARS WOULD ALWAYS ACT UP AT THE STAIRWELL. IT TOOK US FOREVER TO GO UP THE STAIRS . THEY WOULD ACT OUT IN THE HALLWAYS ON THEIR WAY TO MY CLASS. THERE WERE MANY DAYS WHEN THEY “COULD NOT GO IN MY CLASSROOM. MANY WOULD BEGAN TO FIGHT EACH OTHER AND HAVE TO GO TO THE OFFICE, MANY ASKED TO WORK IN ANOTHER TEACHER’S CLASSROOM. GOD BEGAN TO SHOW HIMSELF STRONG INREALTIME.

ALTHOUGH I CAN STILL TELL RECOUNT WHAT HAPPENED, WHY IT HAPPENED, WHEN IT HAPPENED, WHERE IT HAPPENED AND HOW IT HAPPENED AND IT STILL HURTS IF I FOCUS ON IT. I AM NOT. I AM FOCUSED ON GOD AND HIS STRENGTH THAT KEPT AND DELIVERED ME!!!!

THE HOLY SPIRIT REMINDED ME THAT IF NOT FOR THE PAIN I EXPERIENCED AT AIRWAYS ACHIEVEMENT ACADEMY I WOULD NOT HAVE THE PLEASURE OF SEEING HIM INREALTIME. KNOWING THAT HE IS REAL!!!!

I HAVE SEEN SOME OF THE PEOPLE WHO WERE USED TO INFLICT PAIN (GOD ALLOWED IT), AND Tangey V. NEEDED and WANTED AND DESIRED to hear them say, “Ms. Skinner, we were wrong“.

I NEEDED and WANTED AND DESIRED to hear them say,to hear them say, “Ms. Skinner, we KNOW we DIDN’T support you.

I NEEDED and WANTED AND DESIRED to hear them say, “Ms. Skinner, we will rescind and remove that written reprimand from your file.“

I NEEDED and WANTED AND DESIRED to hear them say, “Ms. Skinner, we apologize for trying to “KILL” you and have your license revoked, by recommending that you don’t return to education.”

I WANTED my vindication to be in front of any and everyone who had vilified me, witnessed or heard about any of the aforementioned incidents. I even WANTED to be vindicated in front of those who had ONLY seen the paperwork. I NEEDED AND DESERVED – NO WAS DUE AN APOLOGY. I NEEDED to be Repaired.

Well….didn’t happened the way I wanted, thought I needed or desired. GOD IS funny and amazing that way.

I HAD TO HONOR GOD as I WORKED through the PAIN and HURT. I STILL HAD PERSONAL AND FAMILY OBLIGATIONS.

I HAD TO HONOR GOD BY SHOWING UP FOR WORK EVERYDAY AND DOING MY JOB.

I HAD TO HONOR GOD BY WORKING AND DEALING WITH ALL OF THE PEOPLE WHO HURT ME BY QUESTIONING MY INTEGRITY. FIRST WRITE UP EVER AND THEN TAKE MY LICENSE.

I WAS HURTING-WOUNDED AND I STILL HAD TO HONOR GOD IN IT.

IT DOES NOT HONOR GOD WHEN I AM HURTING AND REFUSE TO GO AND FACE (IN HIS NAME AND HIS STRENGTH) THE CAUSE OF YOUR PAIN AND HURT. (I WAS RARELY ABSENT).

IT DOES NOT HONOR GOD WHEN I WANT TO BE RESTORED AND VINDICATED JUST TO PROVE THAT I WAS WRONGED. (BECAUSE OF WHO GOD IS, THEY KNOW ME). I KNOW–GOD IS WORKING ON THEM THROUGH ME. GOD IS USING ME AND IT STILL HURTS EVEN MORE SO. (I STARTED A BEFORE SCHOOL PRAYER GROUP).

IT DOES NOT HONOR GOD WHEN I AM DISENGAGED FROM AND DISCONTINUE ACTIVITIES THAT I LOVE AND ENJOY BECAUSE I HAVE EXPERIENCED PAIN AND THE HURT IN THOSE ACTIVITIES. (I AM STRENGTHEN EVERY TIME, EVENTHOUGH I MAY CRY SOMETIMES. I BLESS GOD FOR HIS STRENGTH AND MY DELIVERANCE).

So, those papers-the written reprimand, the emails from the principal, the letter from Human Resources are all in a BLACK folder. I am going to transfer them to a PURPLE folder. HOLY GHOST Intervention (an instant revelation of the WHAT and WHY that you are currently experiencing–MY WORD AND MY DEFINITION)

The Black folder represented that dark place, my FEAST of the TABERNACLES-WHERE GOD HAS DELIVERED ME FROM to the PURPLE FOLDER-I AM REPAIRED, I HAVE BEEN RECONCILED TO MY PURPOSE AND REVIVED IN WORKING AND PROGRESSING TO HONOR GOD IN HIS PURPOSE FOR MY LIFE-HIS GLORY!!!!!

…Nothing will separate ME from the LOVE of GOD which is in CHRIST JESUS…..”

Tangey V.

INREALTIME