Author: tvskinner1

On yesterday I was celebrating with a good friend (Keisha Houston) as she sent her mother (Carliss Faye Pearson) home. During the CELEBRATION, many shared their most fondest memories of Ms. Pearson.  They stated how much she LOVED-Family, Friends, Church, Kiesha and MOST IMPORTANTLY GOD.

Family and friends stated how SOFT-SPOKEN Ms. Pearson would BOLDLY with NO SHAME and NO RESERVATION WORSHIP AND PRAISE GOD.  They stated that SHE continued to come to choir rehearsal and SING PRAISES UNTIL the LORD.  She would be PRESENT in Sunday School and WORSHIP and PRAISE during worship service.

As the celebration continued-the songs “MY GOD IS AWESOME, The Battle is not yours it’s the LORD’S  and  STILL HAVE JOY made it clear that in telling Ms. Pearson’s story, they were talking about HIM-YOU KNOW HIM, JESUS.

In telling her story and HOW she lived her life-SHE was sharing and telling others of HIM-YOU KNOW HIM,  JESUS.  I will take liberty to say (type) that Ms. Pearson realized that IT, EVERYTHING was NOTHING WITHOUT JESUS.  THAT EVERYTHING IS ALL IN CHRIST AND THAT HER LIFE WAS A TESTAMENT TO WHO GOD IS: JOY, PEACE, LOVE, DELIVERER AND SUSTAINER.

I will also take liberty and paraphrase Ms. Pearson’s and many others who KNOW that ALL things REALLY DO work together and that in telling our stories-JESUS IS THE STORY (NON-FICTION, INFORMATIONAL, EXPOSITORY, PERSUASIVE).

Quoting Big Daddy Weave “….

If I told you my story
You would hear hope, that wouldn’t let go
…you would hear Love that never gave up
…you would hear Life, but it wasn’t mine

…you would hear victory over the enemy

… you would hear freedom that was won for me
…. you would hear….of the grace that is Greater, than all my sin

of when justice was served, and where mercy wins!
of the kindness of Jesus, that draws me in
oh to tell you my story is to tell of Him

This is my story, this is my song
praising my savior, all the day long

HIS STORY, NOT MINE is HIM saying to me that…..

…Nothing will separate ME from the LOVE of GOD which is in CHRIST JESUS…..”

 

Tangey V.

INREALTIME

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Last night I had the extreme pleasure of watching a performance of Lauryn Hill on PBS-Channel 1o y’all.  She, of course,HAD  to sing the famous Killing Me Softly (Roberta Flack). I love that song, the arrangement, the words……

“…I felt all flushed with fever, embarrassed by the crowd,
I felt he found my letters and read each one out loud.
I prayed that he would finish, but he just kept right on…TELLING MY WHOLE LIFE….KILLING ME SOFTLY….SINGING MY LIFE WITH HIS WORDS”

Yesterday, I attended a family conference at Brown Baptist Church: The Subcontractor, Counting the Cost, and Make It Beautiful.  All excellent for the WORD.

In all three of the classes-I felt HE found my letters and read each one out loud.  In ALL three  classes I could not “HOLD my Mule”.  GOD was telling my WHOLE LIFE…killing me softly…

HE was reminding me of the PURPOSE, HIS PURPOSE, and how gentle(merciful) HE IS as HE reads my letters (pain, struggles, growth, triumphs, healing) out loud.  l, THANKS to the POWER OF GOD,  AM NO LONGER embarrassed by the crowd.  I NOW REFUSE to PRETEND that I have it together.  I NOW REFUSE to DIE as I LIVE AS IF EVERYTHING IS ALL RIGHT.  I NOW REFUSE to want validation from others than SALVATION/DELIVERANCE by GOD.  I NOW REFUSE to wipe MY tears when I am crying due to joy, pain or growth. I NOW REFUSE to WAIT for the PRAISE TEAM/PASTOR/SONG/DELIVERANCE TO WORSHIP GOD.  I NOW REFUSE to deny the power of GOD’S WORD in all areas of my life.

IT IS HIS WORD that SUSTAINS ME for it is “…killing ME….”  HIS WORD reassures me that…

…Nothing will separate ME from the LOVE of GOD which is in CHRIST JESUS…..”

 

Tangey V.

INREALTIME

 

 

 

I am OVERWHELMED at this particular moment.  I mean RIGHT NOW in REAL TIME as I am typing this.  I have not had a good night sleep since Wednesday night. Contrary to what many believe and think, sleepless and restless nights are not ALWAYS due to distress or stress.  My sleepless and restless nights in THIS case is due to being so OVERWHELMED by the BLESSINGS of the GREAT I AM-JESUS CHRIST, MY LORD AND SAVIOR.

For the last two and a half years I have been struggling with and questioning my effectiveness and vitalness (new word) in many areas of my life: finances, relationships, ministry, work.  It appeared that NOTHING I DID barely MET expectations. There was ALWAYS something that I could or should have SAID or DONE to ACTUALLY MEET EXPECTATIONS.  IT (others expectations) became TOO much of a burden.  Even when I MET and EXCEEDED EXPECTATIONS and my CONFIDENCE increased, they CHANGED the rules.

They CHANGED the rules. They CHANGED THE RULES?!!!!! EVERYTHING they said they wanted and RECEIVED was NO LONGER wanted. I EXCEEDED THEIR EXPECTATIONS.  EXCEEDED, EXCEEDED!!!!!!!!! AND THEY CHANGE THE RULES.

WITH THE RULES constantly changing then HOW can I gain confidence in particular areas so that I CAN move forward and grow and THRIVE in other areas? I stop trying to EXCEED expectations and became OVERLY STRESSED trying to JUST HOPEFULLY meet them.

HOW can we get better and do better if, according to those that we allow in our lives with clipboards, tablets, IPADS and keys,  say we are BARELY meeting EXPECTATIONS?  How do we MEET let alone EXCEED EXPECTATIONS when we don’t get appropriate, INDIVIDUALIZED FEEDBACK?  How do we MEET let alone EXCEED EXPECTATIONS when the DESIRED OUTCOME IS NOT MODELED?

How do we MEET let alone EXCEED EXPECTATIONS when The RULES continue to CHANGE as WE GAIN  CONFIDENCE?    STOP TRYING TO MEET THE EXPECTATIONS OF OTHERS. LIVE ACCORDING TO WHAT GOD EXPECTS EVEN IN THE MOST PAINFUL, ANXIETY INDUCING SITUATIONS/TIMES.

TRUST ME!!!! I HAVE BEEN OVERLOOKED (THEY WERE SITTING OR STANDING IN FRONT OF ME), DISMISSED AND OSTRACIZED.I HAVE BARELY BEEN “AT WORK”, “WITH FAMILY AND FRIENDS”, “AT CHURCH”, “ENGAGED IN CONVERSATION”, “OUT TO DINNER”, “AT THE CLUB”, “WITH MY GIRLS”BECAUSE I MY CONFIDENCE WAS SHATTERED. THERE WERE NO SHARDS OF MY CONFIDENCE TO PICK UP.  AS SOON IT WAS SHATTERED, MY CONFIDENCE WAS BROKEN DOWN TO THE PIECES THAT ONE SEES SHINING BUT CAN’T PICK UP.

BUT GOD……

 

…Nothing will separate ME from the LOVE of GOD which is in CHRIST JESUS…..”

 

Tangey V.

INREALTIME

 

 

 

 

 

 

On my way home from a much needed vacation (Chicago), I texted the following, “…I am compiling a list of WORSHIP songs that makes one ask THE LORD, GOD ALMIGHTY to make us humble and acknowledges and admits that HE IS ALL.  Please send me name or the names of songs that truly has one WORSHIPPING as if it was their LAST TIME.”

I asked for the songs for various reasons:  I wanted to compile a list of songs that I could play at Church while I prayed to assist with setting the atmosphere for WORSHIP and PRAISE.  Also, I wanted the list of songs to listen to for pleasure and while I slept.

The response to my text was tremendous.  The pings on my phone did not stop for the next 20-30 minutes.  People were constantly texting the name of THEIR song/songs that ministered to them: YOU’RE BIGGER, LIFE AND FAVOR, OVERWHELMED, YOU ARE I AM, GREATER, WORD OF GOD SPEAK, THANK YOU, MY EVERYTHING,  I GIVE MY SELF AWAY, BECAUSE OF WHO YOU ARE, PERFECT PEACE, I KNOW A MAN, WONDER WORKER, HE’S DONE ENOUGH, PRAISE JEHOVAH, NOBODY, BUT GOD, FATHER ME, LORD YOUR GRACE, YOU’RE ALL I NEED, THE BLOOD, STANDING IN THE NEED, HE KEEPS ON DOING GREAT THINGS, IT’S WORKING, IN YOUR PRESENCE, THE LIFTER, JUSTIFIED, SOMETHING ABOUT THE NAME OF JESUS, PRAISE HIM, EVERY PRAISE, HE WANTS IT ALL, STILL SAY THANK YOU,, GOD IS GOOD, YOU CAN’T HAVE MY JOY, HE TURNED IT, TOTAL PRAISE, CONE ON ONE TIME, HERE I AM TO WORSHIP, FOR YOUR GLORY, THE ANTHEM, MORE, FILL ME UP, YOUR TEARS,   YOU GOTTA LOVE THE LORD!!!!!!!! Some people sent more than one text.  Some people sent several texts. Some people texted the YouTube link of their favorite song/songs.

As I begin to read the titles of the songs that were texted to me:  I didn’t have to ask “What IS this…”  I have matured more in CHRIST to know that IT was the HOLY SPIRIT REMINDING me of WHO my GOD IS and HE ALONE IS WORTHY of ALL of the PRAISE.  A list of songs, A list of songs-People just texting me titles of songs and I am about to take off to running-yes “to running’ on the MegaBus.  A list of songs:  ministered to me on my way home from vacation. YOU GOTTA LOVE THE LORD!!!!!!!!

It occurred to me as I was writing this blog-YOU GOTTA LOVE THE LORD!!!!!!!!, that it was HIS way of not JUST REMINDING me of WHO HE IS-HE wanted them, those who responded to my text, to think of HIS GOODNESS, HIS HOLINESS, HIS RIGHTEOUSNESS, HIS FAITHFULNESS, HIS GLORY, HIS POWER (HEALING, DELIVERING…), HIS GRACE, HIS LOVE AND HIS MERCY.

GOD knows US. HE knew that there were questions, doubts or fears that HIS people were struggling with and trying to overcome.  GOD knows that the enemy IS relentless in his attack of HIS people. GOD knows that there has been many tears shedded, many sleepless nights, many trips to the mall, many glasses of sweet tea or wine, many platters of hot wings, cheese dip, cookies, cakes and pies as we try to fill the void.  WE MUST KNOW that GOD not only heard us; IT IS FINISHED. WE ARE DELIVERED, STRENGTHENED,HEALED.

That song or those songs that many of us hold dear, speaks to the very essence of us and continuously connects us with OUR LORD AND SAVIOR, JESUS CHRIST.

NOT ONLY am I going to sing my songs-“LOVE, HE LOVES ME, DRAW ME CLOSER, I LOVE THE LORD, I LOVE YOU JESUS, WORSHIP EXPERIENCE, I DO WORSHIP, ALL THINGS ARE WORKING FOR ME, MY DESIRE, HE IS GOD, HEAVENLY FATHER, BLESS THE LORD“I will BLESS the LORD WITH you by singing your songs.

YOU GOTTA LOVE THE LORD!!!!!!!!

There I was thinking that I was ONLY compiling a list of songs for WORSHIP and PRAISE that would only be USED for MY benefit and convenience.  AND GOD used my request for HIS GLORY-those who I texted had to think of the song or songs, many would sing the song, some even googled to get the correct titles and the name of the artist of the song. I would venture to say that song or songs REMINDED them of WHOSE they are and they ALLOWED GOD to WORK on their behalf and STOPPED worrying and began PRAISING. They stopped cooking, cleaning and doing whatever and begin to WORSHIP.  YOU GOTTA LOVE THE LORD!!!!!!!!  I, with much confidence, KNOW that many who texted the title of their song/songs, their STRENGTH was RENEWED. Thinking of the song or songs, many were REMINDED of the GOODNESS of OUR LORD and SAVIOR, JESUS CHRIST.  This is why I will continuously DECREE…..

…Nothing will separate ME from the LOVE of GOD which is in CHRIST JESUS…..”

 

Tangey V.

INREALTIME

 

 

 

I, too have been hurt in various and varied ways.  And the hurt caused pain.  The intensity of the pain varied.  The pain from being hurt has caused me to laugh out loud and at myself (self-inflicted). The pain from being hurt has caused me to use some VIVID language and expressions (watch your language young lady). The pain from hurt has caused me to shed a few tears knowingly and unknowlingly (not a characteristic of a INDEPENDENT, STRONG, BLACK, CHRISTIAN WOMAN). The pain from being hurt has caused me to  cry uncontrollably (new word) and weep as if ALL was lost. The pain from being hurt has IMMOBILIZED me more times and in more ways than I care to admit.

The pain from being hurt has made me change my hair length, color and style (new look new me, NO MORE PAIN-lying to myself and hiding from myself). The pain from being hurt has many times than I care to mention alter my skirt, nail and heel lengths.  The pain from being hurt has expanded my waist line, depleted my bank account and increased my tolerance for certain adult beverages and other people’s foolishness.  The pain from being hurt has caused me to lose my intregrity, lower my expectations,  compromise my values and question my GOD.

This is not a BLAME post and I  discuss who and what caused  me  pain ( I have caused pain as well).I am NOT describing my pain level on a scale of 1-10.  LET ME MAKE THIS CLEAR-PAIN is INEVITABLE in some form or the other.

I experience knee pain and it hurts.  SOMETIMES the pain shoots through the knees at the most INOPPORTUNE times (working, walking, BEING).  Oh, my knee!!!!!   I WOULD complain, complain, complain, complain until I was told that someone I knew EXPERIENCES CHRONIC PAIN: CHRONIC PAIN-PERSISTENT PAIN.  I had to step back (SLOWLY DUE TO THE KNEES) and assess HOW the Pain was impacting my life and WHAT could I do to get rid of or LESSEN the PAIN.

I researched and discovered that eating certain foods could lessen the pain.  I no longer quench my thirst with an ice cold RC COLA (WITH A TINGE OF FROZEN ICE IN IT).  I AM CURRENTLY DRINKING THE LAST VESTIGES OF GOOD KOOL-AID (REAL, REAL SWEET-moving to Stevia according to MY FOOD plan) and EARNESTLY wanting Sweet Tea JUST on Sundays (will TREAT myself, Holiday, FOR REAL LAST TIME).   I am excersing to get the excessive weight off the knees.  I am also considering surgery (Meniscus) as THE LAST option in hopes of stopping or lessening the pain.

None of the aforementioned options GUARANTEE that I will be PAIN free.  It is possible that I may have to LIVE with THIS PAIN (KNEE PAIN, LIFE’S PAIN-YOU KNOW THORN IN THE FLESH PAIN) AND I AM LEARNING to declare a WOW GOD!!!!!!!! (SEE EARLIER POST). I may be in PAIN and WOW GOD!!!!!!!! I AM NOT SUFFERINIG.  I have discovered that “….SUFFERING is a choice….”

SUFFERING IS DEFINED AS ALLOWING, TOLERATING OR BEING WILLING TO ENDURE ANY DISTRESS. I AM SO DONE WITH BEING  FIXATED NOT ONLY ON  THE PAIN THAT WAS CAUSED BUT ALSO BEING FIXATED ON THE SITUATION AND THE PEOPLE WHO WERE INVOLVED; I AM SO DONE WITH BEING IMMOBILZED AND STAGNANT DUE TO THE PAIN THAT HAS ALREADY BEEN INFLICTED.

I CHOOSE NOT TO SUFFER. YES, IT HURTS (I AM NO LONGER ASHAMED OF BEING IN PAIN) AND I AM OFTEN REMINDED OF IT; MOST TIMES OUT OF MALICE (“….the enemy SEEKS TO STEAL, KILL AND DESTROY…”)

I AM NOT JUST “…SPEAKING LIFE…”  I AM LIVING LIFE…the LIFE that GOD has PURPOSED for me.  REMEMBER CALVARY-JESUS WILLINGLY ENDURED (HE SUFFERED) and this is the reason that I can say with confidence and boldness……

…Nothing will separate ME from the LOVE of GOD which is in CHRIST JESUS…..”

Tangey V.

INREALTIME

Many times I find myself DOING nothing out of FEAR. This fear is not due to the current crime wave in our potentially great city. IT IS THE FEAR OF LIVING. YES, I SAY, THE FEAR OF LIVING: LIVING IN the FAVOR of the LORD.

I KNOW, I KNOW IT SOUNDS BLASPHEMOUS, BUT “….LET ME ‘SPLAIN, LET ME ‘SPLAIN…”. As I stated in a previous post (SO, What Happened?), I BELIEVED THAT I WAS TO LIVE A LIFE OF WAITING ON THE BLESSINGS AND NOT THE MANIFESTATION OF THE BLESSINGS.

Many times, I am overwhelmed with life’s choices NOW that I am more attuned to the voice of JESUS CHRIST and the purpose HE has for my life (Sounds so cliche`). I, truly get frustrated with trying to prioritize common day-to-day tasks and chores: exercising, cooking, cleaning, dating, working, staying abreast of the happenings in the world, CARING, SUPPORTING, CELEBRATING, RESTING, PRAYING, WORSHIPING AND PRAISING.  I KNOW to “….SEEK THE KINGDOM…..” SHOULD BE FIRST.  BUT WHAT DOES THAT REALLY LOOK LIKE AND HOW DOES ONE DO THAT..?  with every and all things going on (LIFE IS HAPPENING as I type…)

So what do I do in many cases:  NOTHING if anything.  After I leave work, I DESIRE to clean up and work on some projects that I PLANNED (after the PROMISES were revealed to me) that will ENSURE A SMOOTH TRANSITION INTO MY PROMISES. I DON’T BRING WORK HOME UNLESS THERE IS A PENDING EVALUATION/OBSERVATION (THE BOOK BAG IS DEAD WEIGHT). I ACTUALLY HAVE A CLEANING SCHEDULE, COOKING SCHEDULE, PERPETUAL GROCERY LIST, AN EXERCISE SCHEDULE  (ONE FOR  MAINTAINING AND ONE WEIGHT LOSS), I HAVE a TO DO AND INVENTORY LIST FOR EVERY ROOM IN MY HOME.  ALL OF THE AFOREMENTIONED ALLOWS ME TO “LIVE”. MOST, IF NOT A MAJORITY OF THE THINGS ARE NOT COMPLETED. LET’S BE HONEST, I HAVE YET TO ENGAGE AND WORK THE PLAN.

DID I NOT SAY THAT I WAS OVERWHELMED AND HAD A FEAR OF LIVING IN THE FAVOR OF THE LORD?  I HAVE BEEN IN THIS PLACE BEFORE WHERE GOD GIVES ME A GLIMPSE OF WHERE AND WHAT.  HE NEVER TELLS ME WHO AND HOW (HE KNOWS THAT I WILL  TRY TO EXPEDITE).

IN THIS PLACE (FEELING THE INTANGIBLE), IS WHERE I HAVE MESSED UP BEFORE.  QUOTING FROM THE BOOK OF BB KING (MY COUSIN-inside joke-Indianola, MS native-my father’s side of the family), ” “.. never make a move too soon…”

So, my DOING  NOTHING IS REALLY AN AFFRONT TO GOD. I AM REPENTING FOR I HAVE ALLOWED MY FEARS TO BECOME BIGGER THAN THE GOD I WORSHIP. “….THIS AIN’T LIVING….” 

“….LORD,  MY GOD PLEASE HAVE MERCY ON ME FOR DOING NOTHING.  I AM NOT MAKING ANY EXCUSES LORD.  LORD, MY GOD THIS IS NOT A “…BORN IN SIN AND SHAPED IN INIQUITY… AND YOU KNOW MY HEART” PRAYER.  TEACH ME HOW TO TRULY WORSHIP AND HONOR YOU.  I CONTINUE TO BE UNGRATEFUL AND DOUBTFUL.

LORD, MY GOD, I WAS THINKING (SHOULD HAVE BEEN ASKING YOU)  THAT I WAS RESTING AND WAITING, HENCE DOING NOTHING.  I THEN STARTED TO GET FRUSTRATED AND IRRITABLE BECAUSE MY LIFE (HOME AND OTHER AREAS) WAS BECOMING CLUTTERED, EXCEPT FOR MY DISCRETIONARY FUNDING ACCOUNT-EMPTY). I WAS DOING NOTHING:  NO COOKING, NO CLEANING, NO WRITING, NO STUDYING YOUR WORD. NOTHING.

LORD, MY GOD, I AM ASKING THAT YOU SEARCH MY HEART AND PURGE ANY AND ALL THINGS THAT HINDER MY WORSHIP AND OUR RELATIONSHIP. I NOW THANK YOU FOR YOUR MAKING ME YOUR PRIORITY, TEACH ME AND SHOW ME HOW TO MAKE YOU MINE. NOT WANTING TO TAKE YOUR LOVE, GRACE AND MERCY FOR GRANTED (TEACH ME AND SHOW ME LORD) AND IT IS BECAUSE OF YOUR LOVE, GRACE AND MERCY THAT I STILL WITH BOLDNESS CAN DECLARE…..

…Nothing will separate ME from the LOVE of GOD which is in CHRIST JESUS…..”

Tangey V.

INREALTIME

I find that I am in a  CONTINUOUS and CONSTANT state of awe. I am moving from asking HOW  GOD?? to TRUSTING and PROCLAIMING WOW, GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!  Hence the title of the post. My QUESTIONS have lessen as my WORSHIP and PRAISE have increased (NOTE the punctuation marks).

I, like many, am constantly struggling to KEEP the FAITH and NOT get WEARY. On more than many occasions, I have said, yes SAID,”…LORD, I AM tired and I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE OR ANY LONGER…?  Not only did I FEEL faint I WANTED to FAINT.  Where’s the couch LORD, I AM FAINT and want to FAINT as COMFORTABLE as possible.   In my WISDOM (I was SO into me), I thought that if I FAINTED then GOD would RESPOND (deliver, heal, make free) quicker and EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT!!!!

NOPE-HE WAS/IS MORE like the parents that PATIENTLY (BLESS THE LORD) WATCH their children POUT and have TEMPER TANTRUMS. HE EARNESTLY AND LOVINGLY LISTENS as I lament about everything (tired, tired, tired, lonely, broke, broke, tired, tired).  I also give an ACCOUNT of what OTHERS have done to THWART my ability and even my DESIRE TO do MY assigned chores/tasks.  MY assigned chores/tasks are TOO HARD, TOO BIG and TOO MUCH.  In my own wisdom (I was SO into me), I KNEW that HE wouldn’t require me to complete ALL of that TEDIOUS, THANKLESS, DIVALESS (new word) work.

AFTER I finished pouting and the temper tantrums ceased, HE told me that HE knew that the work WAS/IS TEDIOUS, THANKLESS, AND DIVALESS (new word) but it DOES NOT NEGATE THE FACT THAT I CAN’T HAVE CHOCOLATE BEFORE DINNER and that MY ROOM MUST BE SPIC AND SPAN (Dorothy Mae Skinner Jordan’s words). HE DOES NOT ADMONISH ME but SHARES HIS THANKLESS experiences. HE REMINDS ME of HOW I AM BLESSED to have a FATHER who does not believe in “busy work”. That EVERYTHING HE DOES, ALLOWS IS FOR THE PERFECTING OF THE SAINTS.

I can honestly state that I am not asking HOW GOD?? as much as I use to, I have really begun to TRUST AS I SHOUT AND PROCLAIM WOW, GOD!!!!!!!!!!  Please note that this transition from HOW GOD? to WOW, GOD!!!!!! IS NOT EASY and REQUIRED (after the cussing, crying, questioning, binge  watching television shows, eating, hanging out, helping others) that I stop talking (see earlier post: Talking Too Much!!!) and ASK GOD HOW DO I GLORIFY YOU IN THIS SITUATION AS YOU GUIDE ME TOWARD YOUR DIVINE PURPOSE?

I THEN (CONTINUOUSLY WORKING ON CONSISTENCE) WORSHIP AND PRAISE AS I WAIT.    In MY WAITING,  MY HOW GOD?? IS TRULY BECOMING WOW, GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and WOW, GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ENSURES THAT…………….

…Nothing will separate ME from the LOVE of GOD which is in CHRIST JESUS…..”

 

Tangey V.

INREALTIME

 

“….You talk too much…..and you never shut up…” Sample lyrics by RUN DMC. When performing that song, they should have interjected…TANGEY V. you talk too much….and you never shut up….”  I knew something about everything and I knew everything about some things.  I was constantly TALKING.  I had an array of people whom I could and would TALK to. I could and would carefully and meticulously select my intended “gab mate”  because I needed and wanted to TALK.

I thank GOD that I didn’t TALK about people in most (I did say most) of my conversations. But when I did TALK, I would TALK for hours (daily). From sunrise to sunset, I would TALK, TALK, TALK. I would sit down and TALK. NO, I HAD TO sit down and TALK. I PRIDED myself on being the PERSON that people could/would TALK to. I AM a conversationalist.

The more I TALKED  and avail myself for TALKS, I would proclaim that GOD was “PREPARING and PURGING ME”for bigger and better.  How would I know? I never stopped TALKING to HEAR GOD.

I kept TALKING until I HAD TO CRY OUT TO THE LORD. I was all TALKED OUT!!!!  I began to feel alone, empty and lost after many of those conversations that I initiated. Yes, I TALKED about THE GOODNESS of the LORD.  YES, I TALKED about being a vessel for the LORD. YES, I TALKED about JESUS and the HOLY SPIRIT (gifts and fruits).  So why did I began to feel alone, empty and lost IF I WAS proclaiming that JESUS IS LORD?

REVELATION-TALKING  was just a cover for my fears and doubts. I was TALKING because I was afraid. I was afraid of HEARING GOD, LISTENING to GOD and BEING WRONG ABOUT GOD’S PURPOSE FOR MY LIFE among many other things.  I WAS TALKING TO everyone but GOD.

NOW, when I find myself “TALKING too much”, I am aware that I am not TALKING to GOD. I repent, thank HIM for HIS GRACE and MERCY and BLESS HIS HOLY NAME…BECAUSE

 

…Nothing will separate ME from the LOVE of GOD which is in CHRIST JESUS…..”

 

Tangey V.

INREALTIME

 

 

The title is self-explanatory to me. Yes, to ME. However, I do believe that many WILL relate.  When I posted my first blog, I was soooo… excited.  I was full of zeal and couldn’t wait until my next post.  I WAS WALKING IN THE PROMISES THAT GOD HAS FOR MY LIFE: to minister IN REAL TIME as life IS happening.  This Blog is (I am crying as I type this for this is IN REAL TIME) a MANIFESTATION of ONE of MY PROMISES from GOD.  It is one of the promises I wrote down (Joshua 18) and DECLARE AND DECREE EVERYDAY (before I leave my home and before I go to bed).

I AM to post weekly and I designated Sunday morning (I wake up between 4:30 and 5:00 a.m.) to be the day that I would post to the blog.  Sunday is the one day of the week that I AM NOT RUSHING. I truly REST on Sunday. I continue to WORSHIP the LORD, JESUS at Greater Faith Christian Ministries (I, anticipating in most cases HOW the LORD, JESUS will confirm HIS WORD in my life). I then hangout with family and friends: dinner at my sisters or favorite spots such as the Crockpot, movies, visiting, concerts (Karen Brown and Yella P if it’s before 9 p.m.).

In fewer words, I could truly minister IN REAL TIME: early morning is spectacular because the birds are worshiping in song and the trees are “showing some sign” branches up and swaying and I join the birds and the trees in worship and as a result-I can truly HEAR what GOD wants me to share as HE ministers to me.

So, What happened? I was still waking up between 4:30-5:00 a.m. but did not join HIS lesser creations (birds and the trees in worshiping OUR GOD). I tried, unsuccessfully in most cases, to go back to bed and find REASONS to stay at home and in the bed.  I was restless and could not sleep and have not had a good night’s sleep since now that I am blogging about it (HE’S presenting me faultless).

In fewer words, I became afraid and was actually doubting HIM-it’s that simple and I thank GOD for HIS GRACE and MERCY. HOW, with all the proclamations that I DECLARE of a WONDERFUL GOD can I be afraid?  I have been WAITING AND (HAVE MERCY LORD) became CONTENT AND COMFORTABLE WAITING.

Truthfully, I began to believe that I would only live a life of just WAITING on the PROMISES and that THE MANIFESTATION of the PROMISES WERE  FOR ANYONE AND EVERYONE BUT ME (LORD HAVE MERCY ON ME).  My non posting on the blog was due to me “…being afraid of their faces…” (MY DOUBTING AND MY FEARS).

THANK GOD that in SPITE of me that “…THY will be done…” This blog  along with this post proves that (BLESS the name of the LORD) GOD IS FAITHFUL even when we are afraid and doubtful.  HE LOVES me in SPITE of ME and that it is the reason that I can say with CONFIDENCE AND BOLDNESS.…..

…Nothing will separate ME from the LOVE of GOD which is in CHRIST JESUS…..”

 

Tangey V.

INREALTIME