I AM AVAILABLE????

“…Use me LORD to show someone the way…I AM AVAILABLE to YOU” that song would cause me to UGLY cry while signing it “…my storage is empty and I am AVAILABLE TO YOU…USE ME….LORD…” shoulder shaking, lip quivering, sweat on the forehead and nose UGLY cry “…USE ME LORD… I AM AVAILABLE..”

Yesterday, in preparing the message that GOD wants me to share, I went walking by the river. Walking by the river served two purposes: much needed exercise and organize my thoughts concerning the message. Typically, I would get in my car ride for a minute and “go over” the message. This would help me in writing the message when I returned home. Where I would “go over” the message again: record myself, write it down or make an outline. I realized that an outline works best for me-the recording helps fill in the gaps…speaking in the moment..”

With that being said (typed) in this case, after leaving the river, I NEEDED to get home so that I could “go over” the message again and not lose (“forget”) what had been revealed. But I had to run some errands-Walgreens (allergies-my ears just itching for scratch…), I needed and wanted some items from the grocery store. I decided that I would visit the kosher Kroger on Mendenhall (they typically have an abundance of stock-Cleveland, Union and Highland runs out frequently).

As I was passing the Poplar and Highland Kroger, I realized that I needed gas. I thought I had gas. I began to wonder what was wrong with my car (just had it repaired). I had stopped to get gas earlier during the week. It was then brought to my remembrance that and the pumps were not working at that time and I did not buy gas. I am not driving much since I am teaching from home. Anyway, I stopped to get gas at the Kroger at Poplar and Highland. I then decided for the sake of time, I needed to get home so that I could “go over” the message, that I will shop at the Kroger at Poplar and Highland.

I had my list (in my head), of items to purchase. I didn’t stick to it nor do I stick to the one that I write on paper AND I WAS HUNGRY in the grocery store, so you KNOW…” As I was approaching the self check-out line, I noticed the customer service rep and she looked familiar. I greeted her and continued to think “…mane she look familiar…” even with her mask on. She resembled one of my scholars’ mom.

She walked over to me and said “…Tangey, you don’t remember me?” She then pointed to her name tag and I looked upon her masked face and looked into her eyes and exclaimed, “…her name…” (not revealing).

As I was ringing up my items, I thought we were going to engage in some small talk “…how you doing?, where you been? You still….?, how’s the family?…when the last time you seen or talk to…? YOU KNOW HOW WE DO-Exchange numbers and not talk EVER again!!!!Not talking again would have been fine with me, especially since I needed to get home to “go over” the message. Write my outline, read some more.

However, THIS ENCOUNTER AND OUR EXCHANGE of “pleasantries” caused me to pause as I was checking out...SHE REVEALED that the last three years have been extremely hard on her…She showed the scar from her Triple bypass surgery in 2018, tears were forming in eyes when she told me of her mom’s passing in 2019 and her Inability to not “keep it together” when she mentioned her son’s death, January 1, 2020, in their home.

She has not been in her home since her son’s death. She is in counseling and stated that she didn’t think she will EVER be able to get over her son’s death. She also stated that her father is ill and if he died, she don’t think she will be able to make it.

I hugged her, YES HUGGED her, to comfort her. I told her, YOU WILL MAKE IT because YOU ARE STILL HERE. (I DON’T QUOTE SCRIPTURE TO PEOPLE WHO ARE HURTING FOR IT MAY HAVE AN ADVERSE EFFECT ON THE OUTCOME. I LISTEN AND ASK WHAT DO YOU NEED). I KNOW that you are at work and gave her my number. I told her, that I WILL CALL HER AND CHECK UP ON HER.

AS I WAS LEAVING KROGER, I BEGAN TO PRAY THAT GOD STRENGTHEN AND COMFORT HER. I THEN BEGAN TO ASK FOR FORGIVENESS AND MOVED INTO PRAISE AND WORSHIP. I WAS HEADED HOME TO “GO OVER” THE MESSAGE.

When I returned home, I could not thoroughly “go over” the message. My encounter in Kroger was still so heavy on my heart. I cried out again and asked GOD to STRENGTHEN AND COMFORT HER.. I pushed through and was able to “go over” the message. I even wrote a few notes.

Later that evening, I called her and left a message. I was GLAD that I was able to leave a message because I still needed to “go over” the message. When she returned my call, I was “going over” the message. I decided to pick up the phone because I KNEW that it would not be long. She probably had just gotten off work and was tired and I needed to “go over” the message.

I STARTED the conversation with “going over” the message in mind. I reiterated that I “LEFT” her a message to let her know that I would be checking on her and that I meant it. I was TRYING to get off the phone so that I could “go over” the message.

She thanked me and BEGAN TALKING about her son, his life and his death. She talked about the pain of losing her son. She revealed that wonders why GOD “took” her son. He went to church every Sunday and was loved by everyone. She lamented on how she could not claim or view her son’s body at the coroner and the funeral home. She told me that she asks GOD to kiss her son and him that she loves and misses him. She talked about how she felt responsible for his death. She saw on the day of his death that he did not look good and she was concerned. Yet, according to her, she did NOTHING. HIS MOMMA DID NOT SEE THAT HER BABY WAS SICK. IF ONLY….

As she was speaking, I WAS PRAYING-ASKING GOD TO TELL AND SHOW ME WHAT TO DO AND SAY…I LISTENED!!!!

I TOLD HER THAT SHE HAD EVERY RIGHT TO GRIEVE…SHE HAD EVERY RIGHT TO QUESTION...WHY? WHY? WHY? I INFORMED HER THAT JESUS ASKED “WHY? ON THE CROSS!!!!

I INFORMED HER THAT AS SHE GRIEVES GOD VIA THE HOLY SPIRIT WILL COMFORT AND STRENGTHEN HER…IT WILL TAKE TIME…THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH HER…

SHE IS GRIEVING….HER LOSES-LIFESTYLE DUE TO A TRIPLE BYPASS SURGERY, HER MOTHER AND HER SON. IT WILL TAKE SOME TIME…

AFTER WE GOT OFF THE PHONE…”GOING OVER” the message was not plausible for me at that time. I THANKED GOD for ALLOWING ME TO BE AVAILABLE. I THANKED HIM FOR SENDING ME IN THE DIRECTION OF THE POPLAR AND HIGHLAND KROGER ON MY WAY TO THE KOSHER KROGER. I THANKED HIM FOR NEEDING GAS AND STOPPING AT THE POPLAR AND HIGHLAND LOCATION. I THANKED HIM FOR SHOPPING AND CHECKING OUT WHERE AND WHEN I DID (HER LINE).

“…USE ME LORD TO SHOW SOMEONE THE WAY…I AM AVAILABLE TO YOU…”

I THEN REALIZED THAT ALTHOUGH I SHOULD BE, I AM NOT ALWAYS AVAILABLE..TO SHARE THE WORD…TO COMFORT…TO ENCOURAGE…TO BLESS…FOR THE GLORY OF GOD. I HAVE ALLOWED MYSELF TO BE AVAILABLE FOR EVERYTHING..BUT GOD“

My prayer, AFTER SHARING THE MESSAGE (PHONE CALL)-“…LORD, HOW DO I PROCEED FROM THIS MOMENT TO BE AVAILABLE TO YOU? TO SHARE THE WORD..TO COMFORT..TO ENCOURAGE..TO BLESS..EVEN TO JUST LISTEN…FOR YOUR GLORY…’

I KNOW AND TRUST THAT HE WILL FOR GOD IS ALWAYS GOOD AND FOREVER FAITHFUL AND FOR THESE REASONS I KNOW THAT…

“…NOTHING will separate ME from the LOVE of GOD which is in CHRIST JESUS…”

TANGEY V.

INREALTIME